I am so tired and depressed, so you should stop reading now!
Today I had dinner plans with a group of new friends and I was really happy to have a group of friends at all. But back in the office, we are at the end of producing this DVD, and I had to watch the footage with my boss and critique it and send all of the thoughts back to my colleague. And so I missed the dinner.
That is irritating and I am mad at myself, because this morning when I was talking to my colleague in
I wish I didn’t complain so much but I find it really, really difficult not to, mostly just because I am experiencing my biweekly irritation at being unable to control circumstances I can’t control. And I’m frustrated about what to do next and feeling immensely inadequate and underappreciated in life and missing home and picking apart everyone I know blah blah blah.
And on top of that I lashed out at my co-worker and good friend today, and that’s really what instigated this whole emotional state I guess. I lost my temper at my colleague back in the States because he wasn’t around when I needed to talk to him about something and I was tired and cranky and upset about missing my dinner. (You know the drill.) We have been working on entirely different schedules (the same fight I had with my boyfriend one time!) and it really got to me today because I was sick of waiting to work with him late at night when the office is empty and I have shit to do elsewhere. I think these concerns are completely justified, but I sure blew it when I sent passive aggressive comments (always a counterproductive method). So of course my complaints just bounced right back at me.
Sigh. I am always ostracizing everyone because I am always standing up for myself when I’m full to the brim. And if I were the type of person you expected to voice an opinion, it wouldn’t matter. But because I appear to be sweet Ellie, when I get angry, people just reject me.
And because I am 100% more sensitive than I should be, I then reject myself as well.
4 comments:
"All the little shits" had me laughing, hard. It made me think of the days when you'd come to the bars late on Thursday nights with your backpack on and I'd think to myself, "that girl works too much." And you really do. :) But, you have a strong will and commitment to excellence (that sounds like a corporation slogan). I think that's a good thing. Your work ethic is awesome and you can't say that for a lot of people.
But don't worry, I'll keep you in line and prevent you from becoming the American girl who only gets two days off a year and thinks Europeans are lazy. :)
I almost forgot that my own boyfriend can fall into one of the "little shits" categories:) And I very well would've never started dating you had I not dragged my sleep-derived self to the bar after a long week at The Post, so good thing I still did!
Thanks for being a fan of Ellie Inc. and also keeping my workaholic self in line!
When you're angry, never put it in writing. It's like carving your anger in stone. That makes implacable enemies."
--Estee Lauder,
founder of Estee Lauder Inc.
I saw this quote today, ironically.
I suppose it doesn't apply to journalists?
Dad
That is an amazing quote! From now on I will remember that.
I think words are much better to explain oneself. However, that can be difficult in the burgeoning and ever-popular electronic office where you don't speak to anyone!
But in general, walking away and coming back would give my words -- spoken and written -- more punch. Kind of like writing an article, going to bed, and editing it in the morning. Oh I love it when journalism and life can be compared:)
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